Not Perfect, Just Present: Why Showing Up Matters More Than Getting It Right

23 June

What even is “right,” anyway? Who decided clean homes and quiet children were the gold standard for parenting success?

Because if we’re being honest, most of us are out here doing our best with coffee breath, last-minute snacks running out of the door, and a prayer. “Getting it right” is just chasing this made up, nonexistent version of motherhood.

But here’s the truth: your kids don’t need perfect. They need you. They need a parent who shows up, even when it’s messy. Especially when it’s messy.

Because presence—not perfection—is what builds trust, connection, and resilience. And honestly? That’s what actually matters.

The Lie of “Getting It Right”

A lot of us were raised to believe that being a “good parent” means doing it right the first time. No yelling, no screen time, no losing your cool. Every meal is organic, every interaction gentle. We think if we mess up, we’ve damaged our kid—or worse, proven that we’re not cut out for this.

That mindset? It’s a trap. And it’s rooted in shame culture.

Because here’s the truth: secure attachment isn’t built through perfect parenting. It’s built through consistent, responsive connection—especially after we mess up.

Your child doesn’t need a flawless parent. They need a human one. One who stays. One who repairs. One who keeps learning out loud.

Repair matters more than never rupturing. Compassion matters more than control. And your presence—your willingness to stay, to reconnect, to keep learning—that’s what teaches your child emotional safety.

What Presence Really Looks Like (It’s Not What You Think)

Let’s be clear: “being present” doesn’t mean being available 24/7, never being on your phone, or always loving every second of parenting. That’s not presence—that’s martyrdom, and it burns you out fast.

Presence is:

Looking your child in the eye when they’re talking—even if it’s about Minecraft for the 800th time.
Coming back after you snapped and saying, “I’m sorry I lost my temper. That wasn’t fair to you.”
Being curious instead of critical when your kid starts melting down again over the blue cup.
Saying, “I’m tapped out right now, but I want to help. Can we talk after I take a few minutes to calm down?”

Presence is emotional honesty, repair, and co-regulation. It’s choosing connection—even when you feel like a disaster.

You’re not failing — you’re rewiring

Parents always ask me, “What do I say when I’ve messed up? How do I fix it?”

Start here:

“I’m sorry I yelled. I was feeling overwhelmed and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that. I love you, and I want to do better.”

Not perfect. Just present.

That little moment of repair? It tells your child:

“It’s safe to mess up and still be loved.”
“Big emotions aren’t scary or wrong.”
“Relationships can bend and not break.”

You’re not just parenting—you’re modeling humanity.

That’s the kind of parenting that rewires cycles.

Let’s Redefine what it means to be a good parent

So if you’re waiting to feel like you finally “have it all together” before giving yourself credit—you’ll be waiting forever.

Instead, let’s shift the measure of success.

Not:

Did I stay calm all day?
Did I follow the routine exactly?
Did I say the “right” thing?

But:

Did I repair when I lost it?
Did I find moments in the day to be thankful?
Did I keep showing up, even when it was messy?

If you can say yes to those, you’re doing the real work. The generational-cycle-breaking, healing-from-the-inside-out kind of work.

You don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be present

You don’t need to be the perfect parent. You don’t need all the right answers, or a calm voice every time, or a five-step plan for every meltdown. What your child needs most is you—your presence, your effort, your willingness to stay connected when things get hard. Perfection isn’t what builds trust—repair does. Your child learns they’re safe not because you never mess up, but because you always come back. That’s what sticks. That’s what heals. That’s what matters.

Let’s raise kids who don’t have to heal from their childhoods—because they watched their parent heal in real time.

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re becoming.

💛 Ready for More Support?

If this post hit home, you might love my free guide on how to repair after yelling—it’s packed with scripts, explanations, and a calm-confidence boost when you need it most.

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Download the Free Tantrum Repair Guide

And if you’re ready to go deeper? Check out my Parent Reset Program, designed for us parents who are perfectly imperfect, but keep showing up everyday willing to try.